ESN Editorial Board: Headlines we’d like to see in 2017

The increasingly-liberal Seattle Times posted an editorial yesterday which outlined the headlines which they and their readers would like to see in the coming year.

The Evergreen State News Editorial Board responds:

“Trump to turn the firing of Cabinet members into reality TV show”

This was a winning selection of the Times’ contest. We can only weep for the future.

“Trump’s first year, world did not end; liberals confused”

You had us at “liberals confused”.

“Trump tweets nuclear codes, claims it was meant to be sarcastic”

We love that liberals think that Trump could be that inept. It means the bar is quite low and that our 45th president will exceed  expectations. This will translate into a landslide electoral re-election victory for Trump in 2020.

“2017: We are screwed”

This quote from a liberal from Snoqualmie who wants to see this headline happen. Maybe she means “we” as in “liberals, socialists and communists” to which the ESN editorial board would be fine with, but we suspect she means “America” to which we are decidedly opposed. All through Obama’s years of domestic ineptitude and foreign policy blunders we were still optimistic. We hoped that America would be stronger coming out the other side. Unfortunately, we cannot say that now, but we hope to be able at the end President Trump’s first term.

“Electoral College abolished, popular vote enacted”

We hope they’re up for a constitutional amendment process because that’s what it would take. The electoral process was designed this way for a reason. Read your history and you’ll see that this was done for very specific and logical reasons.

“Three Seattle City Council members injured in race to the left”

How much farther left is there to go?

“McCleary decision now old enough to attend an underfunded kindergarten”

We have an alternate one that we’d like to see: “State Legislature defines ‘basic education’ and finds spine; tells Supreme Court to stay off their lawn”.

“Mariners win World Series!”

We can only improve slightly on this one: “Mariners take World Series title versus Giants in 7”

“President Trump closes Twitter account”

We’d be with you on this one if organizations such as the Seattle Times were not so biased, but going straight to the American people was his only way to win the election. We’re not always pleased with the content, but this channel is going to have to remain open. We all know the “official” media will never check its bias at the door.

Seattle Times Editorial Board Choices

“Free 2-year college or vocational training for high-school graduate”

Wait, so instructors and professors are going to work for free? Why can’t we all remember that someone’s paying the costs and in this case it’s the taxpayer. We’re all for education, but real learning comes in the journey to accomplishment.

“Donnie Chin murder solved”

We agree. And the perpetrators should be executed.  Oh, wait, Gov. Inslee’s got their back.

“Renovated KeyArena to house returning Sonics”

We applaud and support any sports team coming to the State of Washington as long as they receive no government largess to do it.

“Court upholds Obama’s permanent ban on Arctic drilling”

We’ll support you on this one if the Seattle Times Editorial Board goes to the Arctic to see firsthand.  Oh, just don’t use any petroleum-based transportation to get there.

“North Korea stops nuclear missile development; Seattle sighs in relief”

We prefer this one: “Nuclear-tipped ballistic missile test fails; North Korean government obliterated”

“Puget Sound orca population rebounds”

We are Certainly on-board with this one, but have a catchier headline:
“Puget Sound orca population rebounds after Seattle Police crack down on littering, public urination and defecation”

Finally, here are some of our own headlines we’d like to see in 2017 (and their proposed sources):

NY Post: The Old Gray Lady to publish final edition on July 3; Americans have two things to celebrate the next day

Chicago Sun Times: Newly-enacted concealed carry law pushes down murder rate to historic lows

Miami Herald: After Trump’s enhanced Cuban sanctions imposed, communist party dissolves; free elections to be held

New York Daily News:

US pulls out of United Nations; world diplomats have to get real jobs
UN complex to be sold at auction

Seattle Times: WSDOT scuttles “vehicle miles traveled” pilot; cites constitutional and cost concerns

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